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dejavudu [userpic]

Together somehow, tied with silver spring

May 18th, 2015 (11:41 am)

current mood: content
current song: The Sundays

I want to say something about what this weekend has done for me but it's difficult to not overstate the issue and become hyperbolic.

I've grown to hate that expression "God will never put on you more than you can handle." It simply isn't true. Life can and will get overwhelming. Some people don't survive hopelessness and despair. Although it isn't logical to believe that one's trajectory can become a roller coaster that only goes down and never up, it is a very real sensation.

The most defeating element of the last year has been the cumulative result of my collected traumas. For so long there hasn't been a glimmer of excitement or optimism, a shred of anything positive to cling to. Only the crushing truth that life was never going to get any better. My roller coaster had been plummeting so long, I hadn't a reason to get out of bed for weeks and months on end. I was surviving, but not living.

Upon waking yesterday and later, while going about my day, several times I nearly wept from unadulterated happiness. I think it would be naive to hope that my curse has lifted but for the first time in as long as I can remember, the rain gave pause and charcoal clouds revealed patches of crystalline blue sky. I folded the weekend up small and put it in my inside pocket, next to those other three perfect moments where they remain pure and ever-protected, sacrosanct, untouched even by time itself.