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dejavudu [userpic]

May 24th, 2015 (09:54 am)
discontent

current mood: discontent
current song: The Be Good Tanyas - Waiting Around To Die

This morning my feed is split by my parenting friends watching the OBX sunrise with their toddlers, and the childfree friends who spend every non-working moment getting and staying fucked up.
There must be more to life. Ah, there must be.
With the knowledge setting in anew that I am unlikely to ever be a mother, I find myself smoking more cigarettes and taking less care with hazardous chemicals... What does it matter now to preserve my health? I woke today with a putrid toxicity: sick of my dead-end job -- sick of "socializing"... aren't there any more choices? I wish I could write. Or produce anything. I know I should've written that book by now. Or that other book... Life just doesn't have much to offer at this age and in the wise words of Townes Van Zandt, I'll keep waiting around to die.